First meeting

I'll see him any minute now! I must calm down. Will I like him? How will he react to me? - An SOS mother from Bulgaria tells about a special meeting. I'll see him any minute now! I must calm down. Will I like him? How will he react to me? My gaze is wandering from bed to bed. I feel as if hypnotised. I see his frail body, his tousled hair. He opens his sleepy eyes. He first sees the women in white and then takes a curious look at me. I see his eyes - and his smile. That is what I have always found so fascinating in people. I think to myself, "Heavens, will I be able to love him?" With my heart racing I take him by the hand. He hugs me without fear and I am surprised at the urgency of his hold on my jacket. He studies my face with his big brown eyes. We go for a little walk together. I try to sit him on a swing, but he his holding onto me so tightly that we have to swing together. My eyes rest on the empty swing next to ours, and an old song I had almost forgotten suddenly comes back to me: "How many empty swings in the whole wide world?" A warm wave of relief passes through my body and all the tension disappears. My memories take me back to my childhood and our holidays in the country. Sitting in grandfather's rocking chair, I fly over mountain peaks, rivers, cities and villages until I see my mother and father. I try to shout louder than the wind, try to tell them how happy I am. But they do not even raise their heads; they cannot see me up in the clouds. I hold the child tight and let my tears flow; I hug him and kiss him. He is now quite still in my arms. We return to the room and say good-bye to the nurses. Slowly we walk down the corridor. Behind me I can hear children crying. The surge of warmth is no longer there. Have I left it on the swings? Or up in the clouds? But my heart can feel the heartbeat of my son. His trusting arms embrace me. The wave of warmth returns, and engulfs us both. We set off home together. Sevda Iskrenova, an SOS Children's Village Mother in Trjavna, Bulgaria